Drop Kick Me Jesus, Thru The Goal Posts Of Life.

This being Super Sunday it brought to mind another Super Bowl here at the Knot. A few years back there was some folks in town whose house burnt down. We didn't know these folks, but we all knew about the house. Nothin much happens around here, so a burnt down house is big news. No one got hurt, but they lost everything they had and everyone in 3 counties started takin up collections for 'em.

That Super Sunday the weather was great so Wayne had been doin some work outside. The morning had been chilly so he started out in a coat, but as it warmed up the jacket got cast aside to a lawn chair behind the bar. When he came in to watch the game the jacket was forgotten. (Believe me this is important to the story so please keep reading.)

Pretty soon a young man comes in, gets a beer and starts watchin the game. It wasn't real busy so in between plays and other customers I started talkin to him and it turned out he was the man whose house burnt up. Well now this made him some what of a celebrity so we bought him a beer and he told us about the fire. It was a rent house and they didn't have insurance. But folks had been nice and donated money and clothes and he was up our way to get a travel trailer. Some good hearted neighbor was loanin it to him and his family till they could find another house. He didn't seem in any rush to take advantage of this kindness though and to tell the truth he seemed a whole lot more interested in football (his team was losin) and beer. We told him we felt bad for his loss and after some more beers, he left.

A couple days later Wayne asked me if I had seen his coat. Since things get lost around here and find their way back pretty often I wasn't to concerned, but after a few more days and still no coat we were both scratchin our heads and wonderin.

The next day a couple stone masons we know came in for a beer and one of em, Victor, says "Hey Wayne, we hired a new guy at work, "David" and he showed up wearin your coat." The fact that Victor knew Waynes coat may seem odd, but it has real nice Native American designs on it, so its pretty distinctive.

Wayne and I sat right up. Victor had our attention.

He continued, "yeh, man it was your coat and I told him, I know the guy that coat belongs to."

And accordin to Victor, David replied, "Well I was up at this bar in Willow City, and I saw this coat layin outside. I figured some drunk left it, so I took it."

Now Victor's excited and he tells him, "Man that's Waynes coat, thats the guy who owns the bar. Thats the same guy I'm talkin about." He went on to say David kinda shrugged it off and muttered something about bringin it back sometime when he was up this way again and wandered off.

Well alot of back and forth with the masons followed and ultimately we figured out who this sneaky thief was. Yep, it was that same dang guy that everybody was feelin so bad for, and collectin money for, and donatin housing to. But... we also figured out where he parked that donated trailer!

Now by nature I ain't a real mean female, and I don't generaly go lookin to start trouble, but dang nabbit I hate a thief. We ain't talkin a pirate, pillager, or crook (all of which seen a little romantic to me.) No this is just your common, every day, lowlife rat bastard. Wayne probably woulda gave that him the damn coat if he'd just asked.

The next day I went to town to pick Wayne up at a job he was workin for some extra cash and it just so happened this job was real close to the R.V. Park where our coat napper was stayin. It was one of those huge parks and we didn't have a clue what the trailer looked like but Wayne knew his truck so if he was home we mighta been able to find him.

We were talkin about if we should go in and drive around, when Wayne looks over and says "there's that creep now," And sure enough, David was just turnin into the park.
I quick flipped the blinker and crossin 3 lanes of traffic, turned in right behind him. What followed was a low speed chase through the park (15 MPH) that lasted about 20 minutes. And try as he might, he couldn't ditch me. Although I almost rear-ended him at a speed bump. But I stayed right with him till he turned in his parkin space. And thinkin quick I blocked him in, so he couldn't make an escape. Course I did it with Waynes side of our truck, which didn't please Wayne all that much.

David unfolded out of his truck, he was a mite taller than I remembered, and went for something in the back seat. Quick as a whistle I rolled down the window, and leanin across Wayne I pulled out my...finger and I pointed it right at him. And very authoritative like I said, "You," He froze. Then curlin that finger back at me I said, "Come here!" Older ladys like me can do that real well. And younger men like him, seein instant visions of old Aunts and Grandmas, respond like the little boys they still are. I had the draw on him and he knew it. He got a sheepish look, got Wayne's coat off the back seat and draggin his feet all the way, he handed it over. He muttered somethin about bringin it back, gave Wayne a pat on the back, no hard feelins like, and said he'd be out for a beer real soon. He turned to walk away and I said sterner still "David." He turned around slow all red in the face an kickin at the dirt a little. I looked him dead in the eye and said, "Don't you ever come on our property again." He just hung his head and said "Yes Ma'am." See in Texas, even our felons remember their upbringin.

We ain't seen that boy since, but I like to believe that shamin him the way I did mighta made a change in him. I like to think that every time he went to rip somebody else off, he remembered his red face, ears blazen and thought better of it. And maybe this Super Bowl his house is in order, his ways are mended and his team is finally winnin.